Aging Fears

I just read an article on alter net about people’s fears of aging.  People 65 and under have more fears than those of us who are older, which surprised me.  Most of us fear memory loss, which has certainly been hyped by the media. I’ve certainly had my issues with that one: my memory is certainly not what it used to be – a steel trap – but if I concentrate on one issue at a time, which my doc suggested last year, I do much better.  I don’t like the change, as I’ve juggled different topics for years, but since it seems to work, I am slowly learning this new habit.  I do occasionally think about cancer, given how many older folks in the news die from one form of it or another, but usually I have trained myself to stay away from that one. After all, there’s nothing I can do about it, so why stress out unnecessarily?  My partner said a lovely thing to me yesterday. “We’re going to grow old together!” clearly believing that was neat!  It is, actually.  We can watch each other, help each other, give comfort, and take heart in living a healthy and active life as we add year upon year.  Realizing I am no longer middle-aged has been a much bigger deal to me than to him.  He is more accepting of the passage of time, probably because of his ethnicity (Native American and Chicano), but also because of temperament. Many of my friends, including my college listserve, are starting to talk about moving closer to their kids.  He and I plan to move to Bend this year, where both of my daughters live, at their urging.  As they both have said to us, ‘as you age, we want to be close enough to help you when problems arise’.  What a blessing to have kids who care.  His daughters live in Oakland which is too expensive for us, so Bend has become the destination of choice.  Sometimes it feels to me as if I’m moving to die, which, in a way, I am.  But I remind myself that I am also moving to be a more active participant in my children’s lives, and their children’s lives, which is a good thing.  Still, it’s an odd time, turning seventy, and one  I was not really prepared for.  I bumble along, truly grateful for my health as well as the friendship I have with both daughters, issues aside. The love and help I enjoy with my partner on a daily basis is a gift that I thank the universe (and him) for almost daily.  It took me awhile to get here, but at least I did.  If I think about that, and all the bounty in my life, the fear about where I’m headed recedes.  Perhaps that’s the best antidote to this particular fear, counting the blessings, as sacchrine as that may sound.